I don’t identify with Christmas, my new tiding is “Good Yule”. For much of my teenage and adult life, my memories of Christmas have been associated with hassle. Hassle for my Grandmother, hassle for my mother, hassle for me. Hassle mainly tied up with cooking, shopping, laying in the crackers, (it is difficult to find nice crackers). Making sure there was enough to eat for all. For a few days. Cos, Christmas shopping ended on the 23d usually and it didn’t enter anyone’s head again until the 27th or 28th, and then, only for perishables, like milk. Hassle of deciding what would be eaten every day. The cooking hassle passed from Gran, to Mum, to me. I became familiar with cooking for ten or twelve people very early on in life. This year I am going to my parents-in-laws for Christmas for the first time, and such is the hassle of Christmas for women that is engraved on my brain, I rang SK from Blackrock the other day to ask him what size ham did he think we should bring with us. “Why would you bring a ham?” he asked. “Um, because your parents eat ham on Christmas Eve (observed when they were in my sister-in-law’s house), because, we are going to your parents for Christmas, and you can’t expect them to feed and water you for three or four days, what were you going to bring?” SK’s reply, “There’s no need to bring anything”. That sums up in detail the male and female approach to Christmas I think. Women worry about what people will eat. Men don’t worry about it. Women will go home with groceries and wine, speciality foodstuffs to enjoy for all, men will just arrive.
Yule isn’t just about the problems of the grocery shopping and cooking hassle, it is also the present hassle. Christmas shopping spending exploded from when I was an impoverished student earning pocket money by working in a cafe to a month or two spent paying off the credit card cos you were now earning. Pricewatch today has an article of the Christmas spending of the boom versus the recession and the expectations and pressures it put upon people. Only if you buy into that consumer culture does it put pressure to you, but it doesn’t take a genius to work out that the excessive spending and levels of personal “lifestyle” debt associated with Celtic Tiger years meant that everyone in the country in posession of a credit card came under huge Christmas pressure. Even me.
Pricewatch forgot to suggest Secret Santa. That is the most recession friendly method ever. Obviously it won’t work for Santa presents, but for everything else, it works really well. For parents struggling with Santa presents and Christmas demands, where is the imagination? If you can get a child to believe in Santa, then you can get a child to believe in Environmentally Friendly Santa, with a much smaller, more fuel efficient sleigh, who can only bring one present per child as he wants to protect the polar bears and keep the ice in the North Pole, otherwise, he will be left with no magical place to live and there will be no Christmases in the future, because children were too greedy in the noughties and tweenie years and the greenhouse gases from his sleigh caused all the ice to melt because he contributed so much gas into the atmosphere travelling at super-sonic speed on Christmas Eve. His smaller sleigh reduces his emissions to ten percent of what they used to be, and only one, small present fits on the sleigh. Those are Santa’s rules.